Emotion Regulation & Nervous System Support Tool Kit
How to be the most connected woman you know.
Emotion regulation is a pretty hot topic these days, well at least in somatic-leaning corners of the internet. With the ever increasing popularity of such topics comes the unfortunate side effect of repurposing a topic that isn’t quite fully understood.
A lot of people tend to think being regulated means to begin the process of down-regulation, which means to reduce/calm your level of arousal to a particular trigger. However, regulating your nervous system means to move towards the uncomfortable feelings and body sensations, not to get away from them. It’s about remaining in connection with the hard experience while maintaining your ventral vagal state of safety, connection, and rational thinking. In other words, when we’re regulating our experience we’re remaining in connection with the hard experience without completely losing our shit.
When we are activated or emotionally triggered, the prefrontal cortex - which is responsible for higher-level cognitive functions such as decision-making and rational thinking - often becomes less active or inhibited. This reduction in activity can lead to difficulties in maintaining control over our impulses and emotions. Ever experienced that post-argument shame spiral because you’ve spoken or behaved in ways that don’t make you feel very good about yourself? Yeah, same.
Tools and education that centre the Autonomic Nervous System aim to provide us with an understanding of our states (ventral - connection/presence, sympathetic - fight/flight, dorsal - collapse/freeze) so that we can support ourselves in times of distress and to make decisions that align with our values.
Ideally, these tools are providing both preventative and reactionary support. Meaning, they’re able to support us to build emotional tolerance and widen our window of tolerance so that we dip into states of fight/flight/freeze/collapse less often, and we can pull ourselves out of these states more easily when they do happen.
So, enough science. I’ve collated my must-have tools to support a sensitive body and nervous system to navigate the challenges of life with more comfort & joy.
P.s. these aren’t affiliate links, I use and love each of these tools. And as a late-diagnosed autistic woman, I can’t speak highly enough of drawing on supports to help make your day-to-day experience more enjoyable.
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A good, healthy nervous system starts with a good sleep. As someone who used to struggle with extremely severe insomnia, I can directly speak to the profound impact losing sleep had on my ability to function in the world. And whilst a black out eye mask isn’t what fixed my insomnia - hello, long term nervous system and embodiment work - it has significantly improved my sleep routine. Even if you’re not someone who struggles to get a good nights sleep, I highly recommend a black out eye mask to pair with your somatic practices (more on this shortly). I use mine every day when I have a mid-day rest. Our sight is our most distracting sense, by blocking the excess light and additional sensory input, your brain can stop processing so much and direct more attention to your internal world.
(As an aside I have not used this particular brand so cannot speak to the quality of the product, however I really like the look of the 3000+ five star reviews). Speaking of sleep, you cannot go past a good weighted blanket. Weighted blankets help regulate the nervous system through proprioceptive input which provides deep pressure stimulation across the body. This deep pressure helps to reduce the activity of the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the "fight or flight" response) and promotes the activity of the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for rest and relaxation), leading to a decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels. My weighted blanket carried me during my intense burn out last year. I’d often return from work, tired and frazzled, and lay under it for 1-2 hours until I could feel myself come back to life again. Highly recommend.
I cannot stand most sounds. I know that sounds ridiculous, but my God, nothing sends me into the realms of sympathetic activation faster than a sound I do not like (hint: there are many). For this reason, having good quality sound-cancelling headphones is a must if you are audio sensitive. I decided on these ones by Sony after reading close to hundreds of reviews. I will say they don’t completely cancel sound, but they do a good job of significantly reducing it. The audio quality is also really great. I pair these with my Spotify playlists for embodied movement and the sound experience is pretty fantastic.
Like many, the marketing of Loop Ear Plugs did an excellent job at luring me in, and I have to say I’m pretty glad they did. I had a client last year who had pretty severe ADHD and swore by them, so I gave them a try and I have to say they really are worth the hype. They come in a little plastic carry box that I connect to my keys so that I don’t have to rely on my terrible short-term memory to take them with me. I use them in any loud public spaces like grocery stores/cafes/shopping centres, where I still want to hear my surroundings but don’t want to be overwhelmed by the onslaught of audio information. Be warned they do take some getting used to when you speak because your internal voice becomes louder, but I still rate them highly and can’t go without them for filtering a lot of painful noises out. I like the gold option because they look like a piece of jewellery rather than a hearing aide. Win!
I am the kind of autistic person that must always be wearing socks (yes I know it’s weird!) with the brief exception of mid-summer Queensland. So, a good quality sock is an absolute must. Additionally, warmth around the feet stimulates sensory receptors, sending positive signals to the brain that contribute to a sense of comfort and relaxation. This sensory input can help regulate the nervous system and enhance circulation, leading to a reduction in stress and promoting overall nervous system health. It’s also super important for women to keep their extremities warm, because when we’re cold majority of our blood runs to vital organs like our uterus. Moral of the story - keep your feet warm. I love these socks by Le Bon Shoppe, they are by far the best quality cotton sock I’ve tried and perfect for feeling extra cozy.
Having a range of comfortable clothes to draw on during the days I work from home is so important to me. Different textures and tight fitting clothing tend to overwhelm my system and make me feel constricted. I love Deiji Studios. Their products are made in Byron Bay, Aus, with ethical materials and practices at the centre. Yes, they are a little pricier, but the quality is outstanding. I have two of their sets and both have lasted years and will continue to do so. I think they are technically pyjamas but I wear both of my sets out and about and have never copped a side-eye.
I have to say, I am obsessed with my Shakti Mat. After being influenced by none other than Treska Stein, queen of beauty tools, I purchased a black mat for myself. I was hesitant at first seeing it was made up of sharp acupressure points, however was motivated by the reviews. When I got my mat, I instantly regretted my purchase, ‘why would anyone pay to be in this much pain?!’ but I gave it another few tries and it really does get better. I look forward to using my mat for 20 minutes every night before bed. The Shakti Mat uses thousands of acupressure points to stimulate the skin and underlying tissues. This stimulation triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural "feel-good" hormones, which can help reduce stress and promote relaxation. The relaxation induced by the mat's acupressure points can help calm the nervous system and prepare the body for restful sleep.
The final and most important piece of being the most connected, emotionally tolerant, and well-regulated person I know is to consistently draw on somatic and embodied tools and rituals. Pair those with accessible and comprehensible educational workshops that help to provide the intellectual scaffold of how your body and nervous system function, and you’re almost bullet proof. KiN is a women’s only space that was designed to nurture and nourish the modern woman. It is a deeply feminine journey rooted in science & spirituality. We tend to the body to promote repair on the emotional and physiological levels, provide daily accessible tools for self-coaching and soothing, and anchor into community enrichment as a fundamental pillar of a well-lived life. The tools inside KiN work to sensitise you to your body’s internal landscape, build safety and emotional tolerance around your sensations, and allow you to access greater states of pleasure, connection, and instinctive wisdom.
Our first community call is this Friday, April 12th -all about working through the bodily narratives we hold and Making Peace - but you can join anytime and have access to all recordings when you join. It is truly the most accessible and well-rounded offer I have ever put out into the world and I have already received such wonderful feedback. For the cost of one workshop, you get access to four self-paced workshops on the felt sense, trauma and the ANS, parts work and the embodied self, and embodied feminine flow movement training. There’s also a growing library of somatic meditations and self-coaching tools, a resource directory with further study and Spotify playlists, a community connection app for support and building connections, guest lectures (this month we have the incredible Greer Stening speaking to reconditioning the Solar Plexus through the lens of Human Design), and I’ll be uploading a body rituals workshop very soon.
Pro regulation tip: put on my somatic safety audio through your noise cancelling headphones, wear your black-out eye mask, and lay under your weighted blanket for a midday reset. It is the ultimate experience.
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I recognise that a few of these items are higher up on the price point. My philosophy is to spend once and spend well. I only like investing in high quality items I know will last me many years and in brands I know are making strides towards a better planet.
I will be sharing shortly some free regulation tips, because not everything has to cost us! But I do think there is obviously great value in investing in tools and supports that really do work.
Do you have any other ANS support tools you’d like to share? Let me know in the comments, I’m always looking for recommendations!